- Player: Jon
- Age: 38 (appears to be in his early 30s)
- Height: 5' 10"
- Weight: 130 lbs
- Gender: Male
- Race: Human (white/hispanic)
- Occupation: Independently wealthy contractor
- Talents: 1337 (0/\/\p|_|73r $k1||$; the art of persuasion; attracting the notice of the Wrong People...
- Allegiances: Gerald, Sara, StratCo(?) and himself(!)
- Status: Active
Typically wears black, business-casual clothing. Unhealthy pallor. Hair and eyes are both black, but eyes are often concealed behind sunglasses. Almost always smiling. Seems very amiable, but something about him isn't quite right. He often accessorizes with a Magitech 5D6RB Disintegration rifle, a tasteful yet efficient economy car, and a host of mismatched allies and bizarre enemies.