Gaming Quotes

Age of Worms (Kelsey)

Sunday, April 28, 2019
[We find some jail cells underground.]
Kelsey [GM] - In the cell, there appears to be a man.
Athena - Can he be a jelly bean, so that when we kill him, we get to eat him?
Kelsey [GM] - He appears to be dead.
Athena - So… I can eat him now?

Equilibrium

Friday, April 15, 2022
Curt [GM] (talking about Freki’s promised salary, in comparison to adventuring loot): At this point you’ve inherited vast wealth beyond any salary.
Michael [Freki, a werewolf] (glancing at Nate, a.k.a. Ozborn the lying rogue): I was told they were only chocolate coins.
Curt: At least you won’t go hungry.
Michael: True.
Nate: No dogs can’t eat chocolate.

ReBeer and Pretzels

Friday, September 13, 2013 - 10:20 pm
Kelsey (to Moe) - “Are you trying to disarm a bomb the size of the universe with thievery?”

Thursday, October 15, 2009
Joel - “You want me to mule you to Sigil?” [On eating magic jarred party members and traversing through the chaos with them inside.]

Saturday, December 20, 2008
Kelsey - “I’m going to grab a dark elf bane pocket ballista. I can sneak attack with that, right?”

Mechanical Dream

Saturday, March 20, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Alex (to Curt) - “It’s a good thing you didn’t go back to the hotel because your shadow was going to try to kill you.”
Alex (to Andy a minute later) - “Oh Andy, it’s also good you didn’t go back because your shadow was also going to try to kill Curtis.”

Saturday, March 20, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “Everyone in power sucks, even me…”

Drowned Hopes

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 7:49 pm
(Nate’s character is trying to kill himself)
Kelsey - “I cast Ray of Hope on you.”
Nate - “What kind of hippie shit just happened to me?”

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 8:51 pm
Nate - “Wow, I’m feeling left out. All I have is a suicide addiction.”

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 8:51 pm
Raphael [Curtis] (the new Water God, to Guy, a priest of water) - “You could pray for spells….”
Curtis (to GM) - “Does he have to pray, or can I just grant them?”
GM [Jon] - “Yes, he has to get your attention.”
Curtis - “But I’m STANDING RIGHT THERE!”

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 10:43 pm
Casey [Jason] (to Ma’haven, a god) - “I would be willing to help you, as long as my family is provided for.”
Kelsey (in high falsetto) - “Where’s daddy? *thunk* Why is bread falling from the sky?”

Kelsey’s Epic Game

Thursday, January 22, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Griffin - “Power word shave!”
…
Lucas - “It makes me naked right now…”
…
Lucas - “Does my hair give me natural armor?”
…
Griffin - “Stop looking at me like that! Power word de-scale is not a friendly option!”

Thursday, January 22, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “Can you turn them into plants? I can talk to them…”

Thursday, January 22, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jason - “Why can no one understand English in this room tonight?”

Thursday, January 22, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “Badgers don’t lie, they just get grumpy and slash you with their long, long claws.”

Thursday, January 22, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Kelsey - “What’s the save for the memory?”
Lucas - “I don’t remember…”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jason (referring to Brother Zeke’s holy symbol collection) - “This is the special 1943 edition—it’s out of print.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “I will kick your ass with my pixie martial arts!”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis (in response to Kels saying some spells could not be silent) - “So no silent Wail of the Banshee?”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas (trying to follow the Tarrasque) - “Can I track the swath of destruction?”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Griffin (when the grey render casts enlarge on himself) - “Technically, I’m huge.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kels (to Jason after he fails his bardic knowledge check to understand the old language of the gods) - “Maybe it’s just the tarrasque’s accent…”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Griffin (slicing & dicing the tarrasque) - “Thank you for allowing me to average damage because otherwise I would have had to roll 36d8… and I have one.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Griffin - “I’m immune to horrid wilting!”
Jason - “No you’re not!”
(later)
Jason - “Undead are immune to horrid wilting.”
Griffin - “I’m undead!”
(Jason gives Griffin an incredulous look)
Griffin (sounding sad) - “No I’m not…”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Chris (from inside a tarrasque) - “So the damage reduction doesn’t count inside the stomach.”
Kelsey - “It’s a magical stomach.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon (to Chris, about casting crazy magic inside the tarrasque) - “If you have a ring of elemental immunity, you might as well do it. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “What’s the crit range on that rock?”
Jason - “Twenty and it’s times 2.”
Lucas - “You could make it a keen rock.”
Jason (smiling and shaking his head) - “I could sharpen it a little.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “I have mastered the art of stabbing this thing in its fucking head.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “Yes, it is the new top of the line house cleaning model, the vacuum tarrasque! Sucks up dirt, carpets, floor boards!”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “So we teleport next to it and I bank shot off of (apparently) Griffin four times.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Chris - “Should I be really stupid and use time regression?”
Lucas - “Tiny Russians?”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kelsey (talking about Griffin’s possibility of exploding in a blast of positive hit points) - “If he leaves a body feeder weapon in the tarrasque, he will get that many hit points.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Chris - “I cast iron wall and put phase door on it, then we push it over on him (the tarrasque).”
Kelsey - “What are you trying to do?”
Griffin (totally dead pan) - “He’s trying to encase him in frozen carbonite.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kelsey - “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
Jon - “Give me the bad news.”
Kelsey - “There is no good news.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jason - “If you roll a natural 20 on a caster level check could it—”
Kelsey - “—No.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “The can of tarrasque. It’s the upper level white meat.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kelsey - “You start carving the tarrasque like a giant, giant turkey.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “What does it say?”
GM [Kelsey] - “It’s speaking in celestial.”
Lucas - “I speak celestial.”
Jon - “I speak celestial.”
Curtis - “I speak it.”
GM - “I don’t.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jason - “Watch out for the jars with pickles in them, because pickles are God and relish is the tarrasque.”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Griffin (after they stop the tarrasque from growing) - “Damn. That was a nifty trick… Can we eat it now?”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kelsey (when people talk about disintegrating the ashes of the dead) - “You disintegrate Ash. Misty is like, ‘No!’”

Thursday, December 4, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Griffin - “We totally failed to kill the tarrasque. We suck.”

Jon’s Villains Game #2

Friday, July 18, 2003 - 9:10 pm
GM [Jon] - “Who has higher Dex?”
Kelsey - “+4”
Nate - “+4”
GM [Jon] - *sighs* “Kelsey, you’re a ninja. Go first.”

Pax Artificium

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva - “Generally, paying off the hitman is a good idea.”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “In Griffin’s game, I’m the power of lost things.”
(Nate proceeds to list several applicable concepts)
Eva - “…You have a lot of virginity.”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “Are the phones working?”
Curt - “Do you have one?”
Nate - “Yes, in my head.”
Curt - “You try to access your head…”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “How many hit points do you have?”
Paul - “Several….”
Nate - “Several?”
Paul - “Lots.”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “The magic vacuum cleaner hand.”
Jon - “Ooommhh…”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
John Bishop - “Is there something in here I’m supposed to see?”
Paul - “No, there’s something in here I don’t want you to see.”
John Bishop - “I see.”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
James - “I’m going to fly off and get something to eat.”
Paul - “Why? We have plenty in the bath tub…”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “This is when you shove him off the balcony.”
James - “I can fly! What the hell are you thinking?”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
James - “I think you’re a bit outgunned with this ninja!”
Paul - “Well, she is a woman.”
James - “I was going to say you’d have to see her coming….”
Jon - “Must… get… mind out of gutter…”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “I didn’t threaten your life; I just asked if he wanted you dead.”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Siren - “You shouldn’t eat stuff like that. It’s a vileness on the world.”
Nate - “Wow, you just ate paradox!”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “You guys have a lot of plot devicium. I’m not sure what you guys are going to do with it.”
Jon - “I forge it into a weapon!!”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva - “I love how you warn the NPCs but not us…”

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “I didn’t want to drink the elf juice; I wanted to drink Pax; I mean, NO!”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate (about Jon falling from a swirling vortex) - “It’s raining evil from heaven!”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Josef [Jon] (in a deadpan voice) - “Mr. Bishop, you need to calm down. It’s not nice to tear the fabric of reality.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “Mr. Bishop, don’t worry; he’s a good dog!”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “If you believe in pixies, get your gun.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “I jump on him and tear his throat out!”
Curtis - “Fortunately, being a dwarf, he has at least five backup throats.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva - “No more voilence! For once can we just talk?”
Paul - “I’m cool with the violence.”
Jon - “Yeah, I shoot her.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “I’m going to tear my shirt the rest of the way off…”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “The world does not acknowledge my dark power!”
Eva - “I do; it annoys me.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
James - “Yeah, the six million dollar half-elf…”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon (about Nyx) - “What does she do?”
Paul - “She’s the bitch queen of the forest.”
Jon - “I got that, but what does she do?”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “The dog is fetching a cab.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul (to the siren) - “Look, I don’t want to kill you… so I’m going to let him if I have to.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “I like being a werewolf! This is freakin’ fun!”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate (on the priest) - “He’s insane cubed!”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
James (about aura of backlash) - “It’s painful.”
Curtis - “Well, if feeling like nightmares is painful….”
Paul - “It tastes like burning.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “Meanwhile, all the real threats are coming to kill you.”
Jon - “You know what? I parry with the druid.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate (about Jon’s “I didn’t do it”) - “The glove does not fit, you see, the glove does not fit… because I have new hands.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “Cyber dwarf versus the wolf man!”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
James - “What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of your hands falling off!”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “Were-elf? During the full moon your ears get pointy?”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul (whose character is a werewolf) - “Shit, I bit the priest, didn’t I?”
Jon (to James) - “If there’s a werepriest running around Pax, we’re coming after YOU, super-boy.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis - “You’re in your basement and it’s like: pickles; relishy hands of evil…”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “Way to get fucked by a ghost.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
James - “Lycanthropy isn’t an STD, is it?”
Eva - “It is if you nibble.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva - “Why does everything bad happen to us?”
Curt [GM] - “The priest told James’s character.”
James - “I was gonna tell you, but I had to work.”

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curt (to Jon) - “Anything that makes you pissed is funny.”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva (in regards to an IC phone call she made to Jon’s evil PC) - “Knowing my luck, I’ll call just in time to be too late.”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “I need to take one more level of Negotiator.”
Nate - “What!? You mean you’re going to take a level of Negotiator instead of a level of Evil?!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate (about getting a PC’s action points when they die) - “It’s like diablerie!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon (talking about Paul’s PC) - “Don’t randomly change his gender!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “I’m in charge?”
Curt - “You got promoted.”
Nate (talking about how he’s equipping his PC’s unit) - “Claymores for everyone!”
(A few moments later…)
Nate - “I’m in charge…”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva - “You know, Jon, when the prophet calls you and tells you it’s a setup, you should listen!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “I feel a strange disturbance in the Force….”
Jon - “Oops, that’s my pager!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate (after the caravan he was escorting disappears) - “Wait, what happened to me?”
Curt - “You’re just driving along and… you’re gone.”
Nate - “I wanna be back!”
(Later…)
Nate - “I’m having ‘Nam flashbacks!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curt - “So what is everyone doing?”
A very angry Nate - “I’m killing everyone!!”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “You know what needs to die? All pixies. Know what I need? A sausage grinder.”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Paul - “You might want to keep those hands. They’re made of plot-devicium.”
Jon - “I’ll reforge them into weapons that don’t stop working when they enter Bullshit Fields.”

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “Plot-devicium is like methane: it’s odorless, tasteless and can kill you.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “I wonder if we could make pixie dust out of their bones.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “On the rare occasion when my character is not incredibly useless, he becomes very powerful. But that happens like once a month.”
Eva - “Really? You have that time of the month too?”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kels (talking about Noj & Sitruc’s alignment) - “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to go with neutral bastard.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “I was so expecting to fall to my knees in prayer and break both hips.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “Jesus would be a monkey.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Kyle - “Kitten of thermite! I like that!”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Lucas - “Now I know who the voice of the goddess is.”
Kelsey - “Me?”
Lucas - “No.”
Kelsey - “But I’m so pretty…”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] (when Noj Kinetics the amulet to him) - “So now Noj has to see if he can catch it. *dice roll* And he rolls a natural one. It smacks him in the face and falls on the ground.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] - “People would get to do stuff normally, but you guys have just suffered a major religions experience.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] (regarding Crazy Pete’s shapeshifting) - “Heroically turning into anvils since 1981.”
Lucas - “I think that the heroic, contemplative anvil should counter the doughnuts of existential dread.”
Eva - “Anvils are very zen.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “No, must feed hot pineapple death…”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Nate - “My character doesn’t concentrate. He feeds thermite grenades to gnomes.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] - “You feel all your powers combine, but not like Captain Planet.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] - “Twenty three wound damage.”
Nate - “Twenty three wound damage? I just kick him off me.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] - “You coup de grace him with the energy rifle. He’s dust.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] - “Using Magitech NiftyKeen(TM) technology.”

Saturday, December 6, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [Curtis] (to Kelsey) - “You get an action point for absorbing the amulet and becoming an awesome new ruler of Magitech.”
Lucas (super high pitch) - “Ruler… twelve inches long…”

Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 8:52 pm
Nate (about clay that turns you invisible but magnifies sounds made) - “That clay in no way is useful!”
Jon - “Oh come on! If he were holding still and not breathing, it would be very useful!”

Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 10:18 pm
Nate (about his physical enhancements) - “I’m broken!”

Saturday, October 25, 2003 - 5:26 pm
GM [Curtis] (to Jack, about Daniel in the bathroom) - “You’re not sure what’s he’s doing in there, but it sounds pretty disgusting.”
GM [Curtis] (to Daniel) - “You’re not sure what you’re doing in there, but it feels pretty disgusting.”
Lucas - “It sounds like he’s having sex with Cthulu in there.”

Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 3:09 pm
Daniel [Lucas] - “Why are you pointing a gun at me?”
Buck [Paul] - “Because you tried to shoot Xela?”
Daniel [Lucas] - “It’s okay—I’m done now.”

Saturday, August 16, 2003 - 7:15 pm
Buck [Paul] - “Say I break in and steal this [exoskeletal] suit….”
Daniel [Lucas] - “Oh Jesus Christ, drop the suit already! It doesn’t matter how small it is, you’re still a man!”

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 7:50 pm
Nate - “The ninja jumps out of the toilet….”
Jon - “Steals my energy rifle….”
Nate - “Then jumps back down the kitchen sink.”

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 8:37 pm
(In response to Agent Summers transforming into James Rex)
Nate - “It’s like Matrix and the Lord of the Rings got put into a blender. And the casting didn’t have to change that much, either!”

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 9:07 pm
James - “I never intended my character to be a combat character.”
Eva - “My character was not made to be a combat character.”
Jon - “My character’s not a combat character either.”
Nate - “I like guns.”

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 9:30 pm
Curt - “Except for the stuff that’s not, I’m trying to be realistic!”

Saturday, July 5, 2003 - 5:35 pm
Daniel [Lucas] - “It’s a self-optimizing artificial intelligence—a technological singularity. It will destroy the universe one day!”

Saturday, July 5, 2003 - 6:35 pm
Paul - “Is there a child seat on this military aircraft?”

Wednesday, June 4, 2003 - 10:19 pm
Eva - “Give the man a break, Jon. He [Nate] sold his soul to the military to get one [an energy rifle].”
Nate - “Not my soul—just my arms.”

Kelsey’s 7-Shot

Alex - “Let me guess. Riley is scared of Vuthos.”
GM [Kels] - “Riley has died of typhus.”
Alex - “Aaahh! Have you been playing Oregon Trail lately or something?”

Vuthos [Curt] - “Oh no, we forgot to feed the horses! Is Sham-sham dead?”
GM [Kels] - “Sham-sham is very, very hungry. It eats you.”
Curt - “Oh my God! I was just eaten by my warhorse!”
Jon - “That’s one hell of a warhorse!”

Vuthos [Curt] - “I did not like that undead isle. My head almost fell off.”

Bill - “Aren’t half-orcs fairly hairless?”
Curt - “Well, that’s how they’re depicted in the book….”
Kels - “But we all know the book is a lying piece of crap.”

Eva’s BESM Game

Friday, May 2, 2003 - 8:25 pm
Eddie [James] - “Are you okay, man?”
Benjamin [Jon] - “No!”
Eddie [James] - “Well what’s wrong?”
Benjamin [Jon] - “There’s a snake outside!”
Eddie [James] - “Oh, whatever—wait, is that a snake, or a Snake with capital S?”
Benjamin [Jon] - “A lot of capital letters—probably all of them.”

Friday, May 2, 2003 - 9:35 pm
Eddie [James] - “Does the soda machine eat me?”
GM [Eva] - “Yes, the soda machine eats you, but it’s very subtle and you don’t even notice.”

Friday, June 13, 2003 - 9:09 pm
Benjamin [Jon] - “Rander? We need more wards….”
Rander [Eva] - “Giant snakes gotcha down?”
Benjamin [Jon] - “Could we get, like, a ward… launcher? Or, ward… chucks?”
Rander [Eva] - “Who the hell do you think I am? Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

Friday, June 27, 2003 - 10:09 pm
Benjamin [Jon] - “It’s not about needles, Eddie—it’s about making you better!”
Benjamin [Jon] - “Come on, Eddie! What doesn’t kill you….”
Eddie [James] - “…really pisses me off!”

Friday, September 5, 2003 - 9:58 pm
GM [Eva] (as fake Ms. Otani) - “It’s too late for that. And as she finishes saying that, her voice begins to change—”
Curtis - “—and she transforms into a huge guy with glowing eyes and lots of tentacles spring forth and grab all of us and violate us in unspeakable ways!” (Sorry I’m so disruptive, Eva!)

A Hole in the World (Jason)

Saturday, February 8, 2003 - 10:55 pm
Danielle - “There’s lots of chips, and some cake over there, and a pizza in the fridge.”
Clint - “Well, I’m not up on cake, but I’ll eat fridge.”

Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 3:30 am
Nevada [Clint] - “Do you know about the field?”
Evil guy - “Like, a farm…field?”
Nevada - (explains field)
Evil guy - “Are you drunk? Or insane?”
…
Lenetos - “What’s behind that door?”
Evil guy - “Some more tunnels.”
Nevada - “And what’s past those tunnels? An air…ship?”
Evil guy - “Air…ship?”
Clint - “You don’t know anything! You’re in the wrong campaign!”

The Fall of Brekken (Jason)

Saturday, December 27, 2003 - 10:17 pm
Cal [Danielle] (to Sebastian, Joey’s character) - “You said your slitted eyes led you to believe you’re not human. What other attributes make you think this?”
Curtis - “Well, I can swallow people whole…”

Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 1:39 am
Brian - “Do you like your hamburger, elves? Do you? I call it… Pelor burger!”

Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 10:55 pm
Sartus [Curt] - “I cast Enlarge on myself, and on Elden [a halfling bard].”
Jon [to Griffin, Elden’s player] - “Griffin, you’re a full-size Ling!”
Brian - “You’re a Full-ling!”
Griffin - “Nooooooo!”

Sunday, October 5, 2003 - 2:23 am
Danielle (referring to the people’s perception of the party) - “horrible powerful magical criminal murderous assholes”

Saturday, December 21, 2002 - 5:10 am
Jon (as old man with long beard) - “Come a little closer sonny, I can’t quite hear you…”
Animated vorpal beard - “<SHOONK!>”
Newly decapitated head - “<Thump>”
Curtis - “That would have to be at least a +1 beard to have that enchantment, Jon.”
Jon - “Indeed it would.”

Sunday, October 6, 2002 - 12:45 am
Keleth (reporting results of his scouting) [Brian] - “There appear to be elves doing manual labor.”
Sartus (an elf) [Curtis] - “Grr….”
Keleth [Brian] - “Oh, shut up and grab a shovel.”

Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 1:00 am
Curtis (commune to Pelor) - “Why you not be hatin’ on this Micah bitch?”
Curtis (answers as Pelor) - “Well, you see, I am imprisoned in the basement of the holy sorcerers.”
Jon (continues Pelor answer) - “I’m in the jar marked ‘pickles.’”
Jason (as GM) - *laughs* “From now on, Jars of God-Storing in my world will all be labeled ‘pickles.’ Whenever you open a jar of pickles, you’ll have to be careful. You’ll have to ask yourself, ‘Is this really a jar of pickles, or is this God?’”

Tuesday, July 2, 2002 - 11:58 pm
Danielle (to Brian) - “I’ll just kick you like this, then you hit Jason to get his attention for me.”
Brian - “I am not part of a Rube Goldberg device!”

Curt (to Jessie) - “You’re staring at Paul’s character, thinking, ‘God, he’s so hot! But no! It’ll never work; he’s a bard.’”

Curt (to Clint, whose character is an Indiana Jones clone) - “You really are the most important character in this campaign, Clint. ‘Cuz we have a problem. And you? You must whip it.”

Paul - “I am sooo hungry! I just got over being poisoned, and I could really go for a Big Mac.”

Brian - “It’s like playing curling, with dwarves!”

GM [Jason] - “And it didn’t occur to you that throwing something at one of the royal guard might be a bad idea?”
Paul - “It was a juggling ball! I’m a bard; everybody likes bards!”

Nate - “When are we supposed to sleep?”
Paul - “I slept while juggling on horseback; I don’t know about you…”

Chad - “You didn’t get that much more done than me.”
Paul - “I JUGGLED ON HORSEBACK! WHILE ASLEEP!”
Chad - “And I slept in a tree. Whoop-de-shit.”

Paul - “Do you by chance have any rope?”
Sean - “You can see my buttcheeks for Christ’s sake! I have a loincloth, a sword, bracers, and a headband.”

Clint - *waves hand* *points finger* “FIRE… damn I’m a bard…”

GM [Jason] - “You feel a faint sense of danger.”
Jon - “‘My Sartus sense is going crazy!’”

Clint - “Dammit! The one museum girl who ever like me and she’s about to get eaten by trolls and lizard constructs!”

GM [Jason] - “I don’t know who started that rumor, but it’s obviously untrue. The army is made up of humans, not orcs!”
Brian - “This is D&D for God’s sake—where ARE the orcs?”

GM [Jason] - “In the narrow passageway, the walls are uneven, and there are many strange, large protrusions.”
Paul - “I search them for being teeth!”

Sartus [Curt] - “What has transpired here?”
Alcanin [Jon] (sadly) - “My sword broke…”

Curtis - “I cast Delicious Treat, one for each squirrel.”
Danielle - “They each turn into a delicious treat!”
Curtis - “Oh my God! I guess that spell works differently on squirrels!”

Professor - “I’m afraid we don’t have sufficient resources to pay you 10 gold plus beer.”
Kamus [Nate] - “Just the 10 gold then?”
Professor - “How would you feel about just the beer?”

(Players engage in false, joking conversation)
GM [Jason] - “Ok, let’s get back to the game….”
Clint - “Back to the real fake world…”

Paul - “You are muy uber-fired-zor!”

Mason [Paul] - “If you get attacked, I’m running for help.”

Scot’s Game

Thursday, June 6, 2002 - 8:50 pm
(Referring to Benek, an extremely untrustworthy PC)
Randolph [Jim] - “I wish I could be by Benek at all times.”

Jon’s Adventuring Game

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Dave - “I’m less than 40% rogue.”
Brian - “I’m sorry.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “Look, if we kill every NPC there won’t be any evil NPCs left.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “I will use my magic… rogue spells! And be fine!”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “I’m not evil; I just like killing things.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “I’m not racist; I just hate elves.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon - “How do you find her?”
Brian - “I get people who do magic to do it for me.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “I’m not egotistical; I’m just better than everyone.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Dave - “Die horribly, in a blender, full of glass!”
Brian - “…I have a 50% miss chance.”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Jon (on the idea of Brian having to fight Morgan’s spymaster) - “Am I me or am I this guy?”
Brian - “Maybe if I stab myself and don’t get hurt it will be him?”

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Kelsey - “If your character has enlarge then everyone’s ‘tolerable.’”
(This was followed by several death threats)

Friday, March 19, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Dave - “You’re going to buy them drinks with their own money…”

Friday, January 23, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Curtis (on the dwelf getting a level of psion) - “I’m an elf! I’m a dwarf! I’m an elf! Aaaagh, my mind… Hey, I can shoot mind blasts!”

Friday, January 23, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “I have a 50/50 chance of knowing what I’m doing.”

Friday, January 23, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “Yeah, dwarves might drink Mountain Dew…”

Friday, January 23, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
“You have the One ring, don’t you?”
Brian - “When I put it on I see the huge evil eye and I feel all roguish.”

Friday, January 23, 2004 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “Friends don’t let friends have elves as friends.”

Friday, December 6, 2002 - 10:30 pm
(The party is about to enter a wild magic zone)
Dave - “If I turn into a buntcake five feet in, you know what to do.”
GM [Jon] - “Yes, stop for lunch!”

Friday, December 6, 2002 - 11:30 pm
Curtis - “Today’s forecast: mostly painful with a 30% chance of death.”

Saturday, November 23, 2002 - 10:20 pm
Griffin - “Because we do not have any potions of ‘turn into dragon,’ we should probably be subtle.”

Saturday, November 23, 2002 - 10:50 pm
Griffin - “You mean sacrificing a blind baby is worth 10 experience points??”

Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 10:30 pm
Farrell the Dragon [Jason] - “If anyone’s eating anyone else, it’ll be me… doing the eating, of course.”

Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 10:40 pm
Brian - “No one—NO ONE!—can lie… No one—except Kelsey—can lie to me!”

Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 11:20 pm
GM [Jon] - “PCs in my world go to the bathroom! Otherwise PCs in my world take damage!”

Curt - “Around the guild I’ve acquired the nickname of ‘dwelf.’ But people don’t call me that to my face.”
GM [Jon] - “‘Cause calling him that makes him angry. And when he’s angry, he gets shorter.”

Chad - “You can’t move while in defensive stance, right?”
Curt - “No, I can’t.”
Chad - “What about if you’re on a Tenser’s floating disk?”
Curt - “YES! That’s an AWESOME idea!”
GM [Jon] - “No, he’d still be moving….”
Curt - “No way man! I’d be defending that disk from ALL HARM!”

James’s Deadlands

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “When he said ‘sun streaking in’ I got horrible images.”

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “Wait… If we attach her to our bomb…”

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Athena - “Did I just hear you call yourself a sword wielding kumquat?”
Eva - “Templar!”

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Brian - “I think ‘churches’ are wonderful places for bombs.”
Jason - “I think daemons are wonderful places for bombs.”

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Jason & Brian (in unison) - “It’s story time with Winston!”

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
GM [James] (talking about a diary) - “I’m not going to bother going word for word because I don’t have a word for word summary of this.”

Friday, November 21, 2003 (courtesy of Eva)
Eva - “Jason, no offense, but out of character I think your character is overdue for dying.”

Friday, April 19, 2002 - 11:00 pm
Randall [Jon] - “So what we’re dealing with is some guy doing voodoo?”
Doc Bird [Athena] - “Wait… what did you say?”
Randall [Jon] - “What we’re dealing with is some guy doing voodoo?”
Doc Bird [Athena] - “Guy? Oh. I thought you said ‘god.’ Guys we can deal with.”

Athena - “I don’t care if they’re armor piercing! I have no armor!”

Eva - “Okay. You got smashed up. She got smashed up. He got smashed up. HE’S the only one who’s not conscious.”
Unconscious guy - “I BOUNCED.”

When I get to the future, things will be different